you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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