guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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