dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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