I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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