he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
