It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
