The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
