No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
