Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
