I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Bring me that man meat
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
