My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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