ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Randomize
