Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
They have beer where we have blood.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
