the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There r osticjed everywhere
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
