Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
