hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
