i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
