This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
