I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
