A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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