I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
