I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
