new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
