Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Boobs speak an international language.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
