i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
