I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I want her autograph on my taint
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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