I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
