my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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