I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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