So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
