it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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