Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
