I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
