you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
