ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
