May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
