you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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