If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
