flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
