I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
