Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
