Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
