I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He had one of those small greek statue penises
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Pants are for mortals
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
