So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
