its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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