also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
