I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
if only i could text you this smell
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
