Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
