listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
