got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
